Verne

Jules Verne is, as every literate person surely knows, a Great Novelist Of Bygone Days. One of those authors everyone ought to read at some point, or so I've been told.

And to be fair, 'Around the World in 80 Days' had me enthralled. It was fascinating, it was fast-paced and readable, the characters were engaging... good stuff. I would recommend it to anyone.

'Journey to the Centre of The Earth'... not so much. (To be fair, this is the 1871 English translation which is known to be inaccurate in places, so it may be slightly better in its original form) Okay, the settings were convincing, the basic premise exciting, and at least one of the characters was interesting and likeable. Professor Hardwigg is so palpably excited by his discoveries and so willing to make any sacrifice for knowledge that he is absolutely convincing.

The novel's narrator, however, the Professor's nephew Harry? I have never wanted so fervently and so constantly to slap a fictional character. Oh, I've had my moments with others, but Harry was whiny, cowardly, stupid and self-absorbed without pause through the entire novel. He only went along at all because he wanted desperately to bone... I mean, marry his cousin, Hardwigg's daughter.

He whines from beginning to end of the novel. Poor Gretchen - I can only imagine what her married life would be like with that pitiful limp rag of a man.

Even so, it's better than '20,000 Leagues Under The Sea'.

Oh, the premise sounds exciting. Giant super-advanced submarine that no-one ever leaves, piloted by a mysterious captain with a dark past... it should be exciting, right?

But it's not. Oh, boy, is it not.

'20,000 Leagues Under The Sea' has to be one of the dullest books I've ever read in my entire life. Now, to be fair, I haven't read all of it... I gave up somewhere between the Red Sea and the Mediterranean. I'm told it picks up a bit towards the end, but I just couldn't bring myself to keep reading any more. The narrator is a complete twerp (some of the other characters, like Ned Land the harpooner and Nemo himself are at least mildly interesting, but very one-note) and the story itself consists primarily of marine-biologist-joygasm for page after page after page after page after page after page after page after page... If I wanted a comprehensive list of *every fish ever to be identified anywhere in the entire world*, complete with paroxysms of rapture over their beauty and general awesomeness, I'd read a textbook.

'20,000 Leagues Under The Sea' actually does read like a textbook, for pages at a time. A condescending one, at that. I know that Verne considered it very important for his books to be accurate and informative, but he goes excruciatingly overboard in '20,000 Leagues', to the point where the rare occurrences of plot and/or action seem almost an intrusion on the boring effusions over fish.

I'm going to keep trying Verne, and have started 'Five Weeks in a Balloon', which so far is at least moderately interesting, although I'm not very far in yet. He has a way for presenting incredibly fanciful concepts with absolute realism that is absolutely fascinating, and he's certainly worth trying.

But if you want to make a start on reading Verne, make it 'Around the World in 80 Days', not '20,000 Leagues Under The Sea'.

Unless you really, really like fish.